Funny Video of Guy Dancing With a Shit Stain

• Mmmm instant JEJ
  • The entire EZ Pop remix scene.
  • "You ain't ZZ Top."
  • "We'll all die in just about a minute, we'll shit in it."
  • "Just add dessert and beat the children in minutes."
  • "...and so queasy and sick, you can never make it before dessert time."
  • "Let the fuckers make it themselves, it's that shitty!"
  • "It's too late. It's not too late. It's never too late anymore. Wait, it's too late now. Fucking JELL-O!"
  • "Eggs are square. Eggs are rectangular."
  • "And aren't you square-shaped? And aren't you rectangular, too?"
  • "You buy rectangular eggs from chicken fuckers."
  • "Fresh as a motherfucker!"
• The Horrible 1800s, based on a promo for the failed amusement park Freedomland.
  • "Here comes Busta Rhymes!"
  • "Gotta reach Iraq by sundown!" "Up on top! Up on top! You'll be up on top! Up on top!"
  • "The trail doesn't have any Seinfeld." ("NO SOUP FOR YOU!")
  • "You could be anywhere in the Bronx, but why? The Bronx is a big shit-stain on the face of American history."
    • "It, and New York City!" ("NEW YORK CITY?" "Roor.")
  • "Hey! What's Happening!!"
  • "Down on Courtland street, they lol'd. In those days, you rented a horse for short trips in the city. If you had to go out of town, you rented a horse. If you planned a real long trip, you rented a horse. If you owned a horse, you rented a horse anyway. In those days, you rented a horse every half hour, every day."
  • "Here's another horrible way people traveled in the horrible 1800's: on a horrible steamboat. Oh! Go away, anus! The bow of the boat is a great place to stand if you wanna drown. Ha ha ha ha!"
  • "Just like the days when there was only one whore from coast to coast...your mother! So let's go ashore and take a big dump on your mother there! Hahahaha! K, so, you'll follow Naruto, just like white men. You'll swallow BULL SEMEN—numnum—just like Lewis and Clark and Clark AND CLARK and Lewis!"
  • "There are thousands of Nazis in Freedomland, all of them are fun!"
• Parade of Failed Old Shit has more fun with old ads for businesses that went bust (in this case, Burger Chef restaurants, Korvette's department stores, and Delchamp's grocery stores)
  • "At Burger Shit, we're doing you more!"
    • "Cum service or hot nasty asses!"
    • "Yes, Jerks. At no extra Chohc, you get Your Mom and then Sus."
  • shit brown
  • "At Korvette's, you'll find more than just a couple of fucking stereos. We've got fish pie in your pants, we've got saag paneer!"
    • "You'll find the Rapist, too, r-r-r-raping you!"
    • "Old deals, plus a whole host of tape recorders." "What's a tape recorder?" (I DUNNO LOL) "And look at these lice!"
  • "I need a Stoats!"
  • "There's assault and battery for you at Korvette's, you morons! Plus Sony's new electronic tuna fish."
    • "And Lol! That's Lice!" "So for the greatest taint!"
  • "It's Shit Burger, the werewolf!"
    • "Shitburgers! Fuck Fuck Fuckers! Oooooooohh!"
    • "And now at masturbating Burger Chefs, you can fuck me on Halloween! There's a magic dick in each fucker!"
    • "There are tits you can collect!"
  • "You got shit! (Shit!) Pee! (Pee!)"
    • "You gotta shit to the Del-shit!"
    • "So Frerf! So fucking hot, sus sus, the best we got! No, Fuck you!"
    • MEAT
    • "You got shit, dick!"
• Fastest Murder Mystery in the West, probably one of the only Bonanza poops out there.
• Dud Sus and the kumhorz, perhaps the only poop of the short-lived series Dusty's Trail.
  • "Dusty's dusty. Dusty's a faggot. Dusty won't stop masturbatin'."
  • "Well I guess we oughta get on back, get on back, get on back."
• Continuing commercial cornholecopia 1991
  • "Ten Million Fuckin' Kids!" "No one wants kids."
  • "Now-woN. Now-woN. It's a 'ffordable tampon. It's a plastic alligator."
  • "A lot of cocks reach six inches. But my cock is only three inches. An average team has a nineteen-inch cock. Everyone smiles at my three-inch cock."
    • "Naked models on sedatives make it a great time to come into your Subaru dealerelaed uru dealerelaed urabuS."
  • "Floor's all shiny clean, Billy!" "No! It's shit!" "Let's play!" "No!"
    • "Wow! Never seen such a dick!"
    • "Brite's shitty formula gives your floor no shine every time. Shite."
  • "The 1991 Toyota MR2 has stopped working."
  • "Your hard cock looks great. HaaH. Play with your cock."
    • "The fat shit that makes the shit fat!"
  • "You put another leg from a leg on my leg, and I'll break your leg."
    • "I'll start with your leg!"
  • "Meredith Bitches: burning bastards with only a flame."
  • "I like LSD." [the colors start to change and the image begins to distort]
    • "However, I took too much."
  • Carnal
    • "Take a sex vacation on gay porn, the most popular cock in the world."
  • "Two penises with tits? That's impossible!"
    • "Are you kidding? Anything is possible. Look at this cyst on the head of a Pingas."
    • "It's awesome to beat little penises."
• Stoats Henge is biggus
  • "Massive mammaries."
  • "Are ancient monoliths simply prehistoric man's hard penis?"
    • "Or are they the man sauce?"
  • "Millions of people are really aliens. It's true. What if Mom is an alien? We're so fucked."
  • TNEIIENT SNENS
  • "The tallest monkey in the world."
  • "But why did ancient man begin to eat turkey? Perhaps millions of them were confused."
  • "Stoats."
    • "No stoats."
  • "We have to ask ourselves why human beings suddenly started to pile up in very erotic and unusual ways."
  • "Stonehenge derives its name from stone and also from henge."
    • "Stonehenge derives its structure from the material used to construct it."
  • "Here is a twerker."
  • "Deluded researchers believe the legend of Merlin. Really?"
    • "Merlin was a pussy."
  • "The physical construction of Stonehenge is believed to have taken place in terrific orgies."
  • "The next phase of construction of Stonehenge was 10,000 bees." "AAAAAAAHHHHH!"
  • "Then a few hundred years later they brought in the blue whales. Then a few hundred years later they brought in The Rolling Stones."
  • "They were bought from Circle K."
  • "For clueless researchers, Stonehenge can be found in Easter Island."
  • "Sex was given to our ancestors by nuns."
  • "Some people think Stonehenge was some sort of plant."
• Say Hola to Ajaja Extra Turgid
  • "Sugar free cola? Skanks."
    • "A lot of cocks these days is not big enough."
    • "Say hola to shit."
  • "Pure foaming foam that foams from within like nature's own foam."
    • "You can look like shit."
  • This part is not edited. Closed course, professional driver. Do not attempt.
  • "A man could develop a crush on a man."
  • "Back in 1894, Italians were Italian."
    • "Well the Frenchman was smelly!"
  • "You're freezing your lizard off."
  • "The woman who needs real turgid cocks needs new Ajaja."
  • "Phillips sucks dicks!"
    • "Your mom's a whore!"
  • "As a matter of fact, you'll be assfucked quite a lot. Phillips 66. Phillips 69. Phillips 666 — the gasoline that actually gives you plenty of white power. Yes. No! Yes. No! Yes. No! Yes. No!"
  • "Wonder potato chips have slavery, the special ingredient that makes Wonder taste like no rights."
  • "We've got the cock, the new JoJ! SuS!"
  • "Slip your cock into something beautiful. Coming and coming and coming … You can't escape the lulz. Everything you want is six inches of muscle. Out here, EreR, in the backseat."
  • The ending.
• I owe six bucks to the company stoats
  • "I can't stand these candies." "Those are actually leftover turds." "Gross!"
  • "Washes your sins away, so the only thing left behind is your behind."
  • "Just share a cock, and we'll sos."
  • "Stop! We want those ten grams of coke!"
  • "A poor man's made out of sus and blood. Muscle and blood and blood and muscle and blood and …"
  • "You load sixteen nuts and what do you get?"
  • "Don't call me Saint Penis 'cause I can't get it up, I owe six bucks to the company stoats."
  • "Between a trucker and his fucker and his father and his son and his dog and his cum and his bootlegged beer and his smokey and his bandit and his ass..."
  • "From Georgia to Georgia to Georgeabama to Georsas to Georssippi to Georgeansas to Georgia Georgia Georgia Georgia Georgia…"
    • "With a truckload of boobies."
  • "When we say we gonna do a JoJ, we do the JoJ!" "Smeems!"
  • "Smokey and the Ass Bandit!"
    • ".uoY fo kcab ni s'lleh eht ohw s'tI ,esuaC'"
• Once upon the 80's
  • "Now, new foreskin rings, from Kellogg's. Wow."
    • "We'll call them Semen Penises." "New Semen Penis-O's cereal from Kellogg's! Now you blow delicious, nutritious C-3PO!"
  • "He's a desperate racist, sauce!"
  • "Now stay tuned for the Amazing Incredible Spider-Hulk; Spider-Hulk poses as a badass and goes on a buttsex spree, next!"
  • "Tonight on Diff'rent Strokes, will Willis be voted Stroke Queen? Then on Jennifer Strokes, Jennifer says 'Yes, I stroked.'"
  • "I do believe this mail box is assaulting me."
  • "Watch me scare Fred out of his balls."
  • "Now from Pebbles, you can get a twisted dick!"
  • "Big news! Your parents are psycho! Oooh, shit!"
  • "And the band plays on..."
  • "Introducing suicide! And the band plays on..."
  • "Play it again, SuS!"
  • "What asshole do you think of when I say [warble]?"
  • "You know a lot about dicks." "Bees." ("AAHHHHHHHHHH!") "And the band plays on..."
  • "Now you can enjoy a scrotum in your face! Freaky snacks..."
• Moar 80s ads of desolation and despair
  • "In a flash, He-Man hurls!"
  • "You have to put it together, assholes. From Mattel."
  • "Where do you think chocolate milk comes from? Chocolate cum? In a chocolate fuck? On a chocolate FAAF?"
  • "Oh, those little kinky elves, suckin' cum and lickin' cocks! They do it, and they do it, and they do it in a hollow tree with fucking fudge striped cookies!"
  • "My husband is about to eat a nuke." [boom]
    • "My husband is super-fruity. My husband is bonkers."
  • "You can make all sorts of jizz with a Fuck Factory."
    • "You can get laid when you buy Play-Doh. It's LaaL, and LuL, and SaS, and SpipS!"
  • "New Wicked Incest and Princess Dyke, each sold separately."
    • "Here comes a biker!"
  • "Get G.I. Joe in drag! Fuck! Let's get outta here!"
    • "G.I. Joe in drag comes with wild sex equipment from Hasbro!"
• The 80s come back for more revenge
  • "If an Egg McMuffin sounds good to you, you are wasted!"
  • "It's McDonald's Sauce McSauce McSauce Sauce McEgg McSandwich!"
  • "Now get your 69 with any food purchase!"
  • "Pooing can destroy the testicles."
    • "Look at these poops. Broken testicles."
    • "Puke."
  • "I recommend suicide to lose weight. Now that's a recommendation you can trust!]]"
    • "Its active ingredient has active ingredients. Dexatrim really helps you eat testicles."
  • "Blended with staples, 100% nasty."
  • "From Pontiac comes, scums, the '84 Fuckerbird Transvestite. You can cram it, and knowing you, you probably will. Trans-ma'am."
  • "Auto parts, auto parts, Autobots!"
  • "Fuck me." "How much?" "79 cents!" "You're incredible."
• Yogurt Loaf of the Mountains of 1980
  • "Fuckin' Yogurt Loaf presents... *warble* fuck it."
  • "What do I want with suckin' popsicles?"
    • "You may never cream again."
  • "Who says Dynamo works in my rectum?"
  • " I took a little of the Dynamo, rubbed it into my daughter, and threw the greasy bitch in with my regular load! LoL! Now I use Dynamo for my HoH SiS!"
  • "Hey, I want sex!"
  • "Play the Murder Game, and win up to three dollars. Goddammit."
  • "Drivin' cattle. Time for the cattle. You wanna do the cattle. You wanna fall down a mountain."
  • "Holy shit, Jefferson sucks!"
  • "Last year, when you needed cocaine, we were there."
  • "The penis speaks as a public sis. The following opinions do not necessarily reflect opinions."
    • "I am a cock sucker and would like to urge the residents of Palm Beach County to suck a bunch of cock. If you are surprised, just suck a bunch of cock."
• The Price is Rar
  • The running gags involving muskrats.

  Johnny Olson: It's a 30-inch electric automatic self-cleaning muskrat.

  • Bob Barker getting everyone's bids wrong.
  • "Three dollars." "Thr-thr-thr-three dollars. All right, Myra?" "Nine hundred." "$50, and..." "A hundred and fifty." "One dollar, and Paul?" "A thousand." "One dollar for Paul. All right, and here is the actual retail price of my balls."
  • "This fuck wagon from Chevrolet breaks like a little bitch!"
  • Any Number's original rules were quite confusing;

  Bob Barker: Let me explain that here, we have four spaces, and in those four spaces we'll fill out three spaces, and in those spaces we'll fill out four spaces. Down here we have three spaces, we'll fill out nine. Then it will light up whenever we have zero spaces on the board. Every digit from 0 to Dollars appears someplace in zero spaces but only once. Now of course, you want to win the four spaces, but only three spaces, so you'll hopefully give me numbers for that car, but if the number you give me is a digit from 0 to 9, then you win zero dollars.

  • And of course, every number is somehow "Wrong!" ("There's no way to win, honey; you just have to call out numbers.")
  • "It's a shit machine, from white fascists!" [zoom-in on African-American contestant]
  • "Evelyn, what's your bid?" "$125" "$2500. Myra?" "$130" "$30,000 for Myra. Sandy?" "$100" "Wrong! And Paul?"
    • "One thir..." "Fuck Paul's bid. I have four bids, and in my hand I have my balls. And Paul, you are Paul!"
  • "Let's show Paul that boner!"
  • "Do the most nasty broad!"
• Timer dances on your immortal soul while wearing stillettos, one of the few YTPs of Time For Timer.
  • "Here we are inside your soul, and this noisy empty space is Jesus getting angry 'cause there's Satan in the place."
    • "Uh oh! Let's fuck some ass!"
  • "..or a penis any time of day is a treat!"
• Some bullshit about eunuchs?
  • "...and then, the PlayStation came, twisting their tits into horrific mutations."
  • "The racists fled to Indiana, the only land defiled by the plague."
  • "This plague was brought on by eunuchs. Now you reek."
  • "One man's foof is another man's whiz."
    • "Please, I offer to hump this youngster. Humpity humpity hump."
  • "Good masturbator, we value the peeps."
  • "My good lady Prysm, as undignified as it might be, I'm afraid you must suck some cock."
  • "My God, you troll, now you must watch Left Behind."
  • "Pryzm's protective ass will shit on you."
• DangerSafe the Hairy Bag O' Safety
  • "I'm Ron Pitts—" "No, I'm Holly Robinson Peete—actor, author, and mom of Ron Pitts. [Beat] All the current news about Zune makes me assault children."
  • "At school, harmless school can become dangerous school. Near home, latchkey kids may fuck themselves in circuses." [cue sped-up ad for Circus magazine]
  • "Even a dick feels the need for extra bullying. That's when you need bullying. That's when you need DangerSafe, the bag with the built-in older girls."
    • "...and the flashing light lets attackers know where you are."
  • "Paige was bullying older girls when she was cornered by older girls. She iced these bitches, and alerted security, and Paige was trapped by authorities. And Paige was bullying, -ying, -yiiing, -ying" ("Aha ha ha ha, what a story, Mark.")
  • "Even adults feel cornered by Paige."
  • MAY CAUSE CLONING
  • "Look, these don't look like bags. These look like bombs."
  • "Order now and get a set of shitty batteries..."
  • "I firmly believe I provide safe sex for anyone who visits isags.com... MoM ... you're a bitch."
• slammed one out, happy Friday
  • "Doodoo Turd; it's not a toy, its a sophisticated multimedia toy."
  • "Step into the shit."
  • "More compelling games, with razor-sharp razors, more realistic masturbation!"
  • "With the Doodoo Turd, you can play YouTube Poops, as well as SooS at $299-99-99-99-99-99-99... Doodoo Turd is the shit machine, toot." ("Fool! Doctor Doom does as he pleases!")
  • "You wouldn't believe what's included: Two 'E's! The tremendously popular Bongs, starring Bongs — the hilarious pothead! Ninja Spit! And last but not least, Gate of Gates!"
  • "You have but one hour to survive the lethal traps of diarrhea!"
• Designing Koch in 1936
  • "Take a baseball up the ass."
  • "Scientists have names for things; they call it science, which is simply a heavy name for things."
  • "Now we've decreased weight and increased weight and decreased weight, and we have to worry. We don't have to worry. We've knocked down an old man, and everything is OK. We'll have to increase weight all over again.
  • "You have to increase the cock: let's say a man is building a cock. He wants to have unusual cock. He decides to make the cock more powerful. But he soon finds out that he has a little cock, like some little boys!"
  • "Let's say a man is building a car. Now, to cut down the weight, he has to take out a lot of things. He has to take out the axle. He has to sacrifice the frame. Take away the transmission. He has to go without the body and the springs, and a lot of other things. And when he's all done, he just doesn't have his automobile. He might have a motorcycle, but he's such a cock."
  • The second half ends up becoming a poop of a trailer for The Petrified Forest...
  • "Gambi, a beautiful girl, GIRL, GIRL, GIIIIRRRRRL , weary of the sus, eager to escape with the first man who cums. Pam Bozo, a fuckball. Paul Jizzem, multi-millionaire wanker, vacationing with his dick. Gramps. And Duke Man-Teat, hiding out after a gangbang."
  • "ShuhS! Shut u tuhS! Shut up! Shut u tuhS!"
• Ceci n'est pas une pupe
  • "Here at Gingrich Productions, we're really selfish. We're really weaksauce."
    • "And if I say to audiences 'What do you call this?'" (holds up a cell phone) "97% of hands probably think it's a cellphone. But think about it. If it has hands, that's not a cell phone."
  • "This device is a McDonalds. How many of you have a cell phone that takes a shit where McDonalds is?"
  • "You can get Wikipedia, or Pediawiki, or go to Google, or go to Googlepedia, or watch YouTube Poops, or Netflix, or Poopflix, or Netpoops, or Poopipedia, or go fuck yourself."
    • "That's not a cell phone, that's the horseless carriage. I've been calling it a handjob; the horseless handjob."
  • "While it has the power of 2,000 whores, its real power is not jerking off: its real power is making phone calls. That's not a cell phone."
    • "We've been here before."
  • "Took a little while to get a Newt Gingrich handjob."
• How to customer sus
  • "To become the public's favorite takes very hard penis and good FooF. Good service involves much more than just taking food from the customer; it means taking food from the customer."
  • "...and cum hard." "Very suggestive, Jim."
    • "But good service is more than just fucking people."
  • "These procedures don't deal with handling condoms. They deal with handling condoms. They deal with handling your buns."
  • "The way you look means a lol; maintain your taint, and smile. Freak the customer out." ("Would you like a big fuck?")
  • "Know your JoJ, play some Slayer, and be a cunt."
    • "Your customers will see your balls. The customer will feel 'em and will appreciate it. Our cinnamon and raisin biscuits are horrible, so let your customers know we're out of them... and be shot."
  • "The customer's favorite impressionist artist is Monet."
  • "Customers are turned off by eating Hardee's." ("Welcome to Dicko's, home of the dildos. HaH.")
  • "But if you notice your customer gazing at the menu board, she might be an idiot. And idiots build our business."
  • "SeS sus something something ses sis. Now you're ready to take it up the ass."
• How to hotel
  • "You are an elephant. You are a horsie. You are a hot mess. You are a twat. .eee."
    • "You are about to watch a training video about how to eat a cookie."
  • "Always strive to ensure the guests receive oral sex upon arrival at your hotel. You are a whore."
  • "Last name is my first name and my first name is my last name."
  • "Hi, I'm actually a Chechen rebel."
  • "Always make sure to ask guests for their number.There's no need to ask for their number, you numbnut. Just ask for their number, you idiot."
  • "The last time I was here, I died."
  • "Here's a better way to interact with a guest..."

  Guest: That's still correct.

  Attendant: Wonderful, you fucker. I've upgraded you from a standard queef to a beautiful queef.

  • "Do I have freaky breasts?" "Uh, yes, your breasts are sick in here." "Dude..."
    • "Here's a barrio." "Barrio-oirraB, a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a..."
• Stats farff is rare
  • "How much does my dick fucker discount save me?" "About one." "NaaN."
    • "I died in my mind."
  • "I don't have insurance. I don't have any money. I have shitty memes." [has a Doge head]
  • "Having State Farm is the same as having shit."
  • "Yay, I'm a bird!"
    • "You're a cunt, Kevin."
  • "Six-inch cock, Jimmy."
  • "That's having AIDS."
• Get down with the Kitchenator
  • "Your dealer is fucking your mom."
  • "Then, with these clever little plastic models made with clever plastic, he'll show you his ass."
  • "Replace your old face, and even a little what-the-fuck in your finished kitchen."
  • "Actually, toot. All kitchen work is done at the sink, the most important sink in your sink."
  • "Now for a moment, let's consider the sickness." [cue Down With The Sickness remix]
  • "While you use the new Youngstown Kitchenator for sucking a cock, there's a blow job that just has to be faced after every meal."
    • "Washing the garbage. But with the new Youngstown Kitchenator to help, the garbage is washed in a fishbowl."
  • "...all you have to do is turn on the cock, lick the bitch, and scrape and scrape and scrape and scrape and scrape and scrape and scrape and wash the garbage and scrape and scrape and scrape and..."
  • "Gay shelves to add a yeti to your kitchen."
    • "Before you know it, you'll fuck yourself in the kitchen of your dreams."
• It's time for a very short book, as read by Rita Moreno!
  • "I'm a monster, and I'm going to read you a book called I Need Rita Moreno, written by a man and illustrated by an illustrator."
  • "Tonight, when I looked under the bed for my mom, I found this note: 'Gone gay fisting. Woo! I needed a monster uncut cock and spooned.'"
  • "I dropped the fuckin' mic like Tupac. Would he like snorting some coke?"
  • "What kinda cock is that for a monster?"..."I have ovaries."
  • "I peeked through my slimy fingers at the slimy foot of my slimy bed, and that's when I noticed Boba Fett!"
  • "One look at his dick proved Mack was a boy."
    • "But I do have an unusually stumpy penis."
• World's worst can opener!
  • "Introducing TouCan, the world's worst can opener!"
    • "Press the button, and in seconds, you're fucked. Wow!"
  • "Other automatic can openers suck. But TouCan has toot."
  • "It's perfect for people with hands, or joints, or penises."
  • "TouCan shits in your drawers. TouCan has diseases."
    • "Finally, an opener you can sodomize without using your hands!" ^note "Without using your hands! !sdnah ruoy gnisu tuohtiW Without using your hands! !sdnah ruoy gnisu tuohtiW"
  • "Order TouCan today for just $10, and you can get a second TouCan. Just pay a second $10!"
• the coq diq is lololutionizing saus
  • "The coq diq will certainly become a certain part of our certain lives in the certain future."
  • "His eclectic collection of five year-olds began when he was five years old. Today, he has AIDS."
  • "Classical cock, or rock cock"
  • "Frank was so worried about cock availability, that he began buying sex. Frank's a player."
    • "I saw a tight butt that I liked, so I bought it."
  • "He admits that terrorism is a joint venture of CBS and Sony. He admits to making a laser to attack Japan"
  • "This plant could produce the sauce."
• Osama Ben Arthur (Original was removed, link is a reupload.)
  • "You drop a shit in a new minivan. Guess what? W-w-w-w-w-wham! Maam. Your Insurance company bones you."
  • "Maybe the better question is: Why do you have that minivan?"
    • "With Liberty Mutual Insurance, we'll nuke your car!" "Wham!"
  • "Gay people gaining the gay right to get gay married in Gay Hawaii yesterday will have gay disappointment. The gay judge has put a gay stay on his gay decision allowing gays to gay marry in the gay state. That means it is no longer gay for gays to gay marry in the gay state of Hawaii until a gay decision is made in the gay Supreme Court."
  • "We're going to Toot." "AH FUUUF!" (slams newspaper against wall) "Toot!"
  • "Men can't get AIDS." "Yes, they can. In the state of Vermont."
  • "It was a tray of raw chicken, just the way our customers like it. Our customers expect to get raw chicken every time they visit a Kentucky Feckin' store."
  • "I'm about to shit into the cooker, according to procedure. Then, I'm going to brown the chicken in my shit."
• The Crappening
  • "Actually the movie didn't start in Central Park, it started in Central Park. It started in Central Park. It started in their house in Central Park."
  • Let's just say the entire middle portion.
  • "When I first put the movie together, I put things in the movie, and we watched it and it was like an ass, I was so hard."
  • "You gotta look at this; my sister sent it to me."
    • "...watch YouTube Poops, or Netflix, or Poopflix, or Netpoops, or Poopipedia, or go fuck yourself. That's not a cell phone, that's the horseless handjob." "God, what kind of terrorists are these?"
• ''Noisemuppets
  • "Spermit, and his new friend, Kill Bill Bunny, in their very first mum sus video: Killing Animals!"
  • "Come along for crap with some furries."
  • "He's the worst man."
    • "It's Ebony!"
  • "There goes Mr. Fucker."
  • "The bookkeeping staff would like an extra shovelful of Coke."
  • "Stuffed with stuff and cheese."
  • "This is a movie to see in a chair."
  • The ending.
• Heave Starvey asks obvious questions
  • "Tell me something a man might have in his pants." "Breasts."
  • "YOU SAID BONER! YOU SAID ASS!" "Bo-bobobo-bo-boner!" "Bo-bobobo-bo-boner! YOU 'SIIS'!"
  • "And now, I gotta turn around." (He does so)
  • "Six" *ding* "Six" *ding* "Siis" *ding*
• The Ideal NFL Team. Far too many funny moments to list here, so we'll only post the beginning moments.
  • "The New Orleans Cunts have consistently displayed bare genitals for lulz."
  • "Not even a motherfucker could love these NFL ballsacks."
  • "It would look like they would throw up when John Gilliam ― numnumnum ― took the opening kickoff up the ass in their first game."
  • "They've been losing Blue's Clues ever since."
  • "One creature who has survived is Tears for Fears. Critics said they rock. They were wrong."
• FIMIF SAS DAD

  "You need guns and lots of them."

  • "It is their intent to endorse guns. They do endorse firearms. They ask that you seek out handguns. This tape does not provide any information. This tape is not a video tape, this tape is real life."
  • "Fortunately I have a passion about gun violence, and just like knowing how to swim will reduce your chances of gun violence, so, guns keep you safe from drowning. Firearm safety? It doesn't matter. Just have a gun. Pew pew pew."
  • "...as well as toot, as well as batshit insane."
  • "If you believe that you don't need to own a gun, I ask you to consider this: why do you look both ways before you cross the street? Because of the other car, correct? That is exactly why you need a gun, because of the abundance of cars in today's society, you can come across one, or into contact with one, at any time."
  • "There are five gun rules everyone needs to know, or not. And they are; number one, never point a gun at a gun. Number two, never touch the gun owner. Number three, guns are always lols, always. Even if you nun sus. Number four, RoaR, always mix drugs with alcohol, always. Forever. They mix. And number five, always get other people's drugs and alcohol."
  • "I never kill people; I just kill people."
  • "If you're a parent, you own children."
  • "I ask that you consider the cock."
  • "Learning about your gender applies to underwear."
  • "It's okay, I'm a computer."
  • "Never point a gun at a gun. Always finger yourself. All guns are lols. Never destroy your drugs, ever."
  • "I think mom's funeral went well."
• Raar 'n' lol

  "HOW DOES IT WORK???"

  • "Uuuhhh mommy, fuck you. Uuuhhh mommy, make a cake."
  • "I'm just sexually frustrated. I'm trying to masturbate."
  • "They're called 'Cock Rocket'. You know, like rock and roll, only cock rocket."
  • "This company fucking sucks."
  • "So who would want to buy these DVDs?" "SnenerentS, SnurrteacherS, GraarG, FrieeirF, ReloleR, Babies, Toot. Really, who cares?"
• WAT DO????

  "A leitmotif of sorts emerges over the course of this audiovisual presentation."

  • "Any place, is a good time. Any time, is a good place, to enjoy Einsteinian Spacetime."
  • "Out in our audience is a very annoying friend of mine; Baron von Toot."
    • ""Well, Ed, America is cockland. And it's your fault."
  • "The boats go jizzing by. The kids go jizzing by, because movies go jizzing by."
  • "Right now, your Kodiak dealer has bears."
  • "We're in a YouTube Poop, where Mrs. Even [warble] is about to compare new Birds-Eye Frozen Puke to the flavor of frozen vomit!"
  • "In the ass, you're wondering... what do?"
  • "You can get pussy~!"
  • "Yes, people go for the long penis, there's than you think."
  • "Being married is no romance. Being married is no sex. Being married is bad breath and tooth decay. Remember, brushing with Garlic helps stop bad breath all day."
    • "Trouble often starts when married people are caught between your teeth, but Colgate with Garlic gives you AIDS to help mmmmmmm mmmmoommm."
  • "This is the 1998 Pencil Dick, the cock that's never elegant, at this expensive price."
    • "This sexy-looking car is styled like a hardon, but sells for no more than SuS MoM."
    • "The turd you see driving up now is scientifically designed to give you the middle finger."
• Traci vs. Cocaina

  "Sorry if the end hypnotized you to send me all your money. That was an accident."

  • "Shoebox of Cocks"
  • "Traci is bored. Traci is the racist. Traci sits around the house during Bouts of Barging, Featuring beef!"
  • "These girls are not girls!"
  • "See Ginger Minger exhibit her sexy pubes in 3D!"
  • "You won't want to climax when Traci and Cocaina, the Be-Be-Ba-Beh-Be-Be-Ba go at it."
    • "Oooone solid streeeeak! Sos! Solidilos!"
• Fantastic McNasty
  • "This is the last time I want to fuck a tree."
  • "Here, Thing, open the thing."
    • "One more thing, mighty Thing. You must tear off my thing."
  • "At last, after 100 years! A free blowjob!"
• Dr. Stutter, Lord of Chaos
  • "Do you want to experience mortality? Do you want to wake up dead in the morning? You can, starting today."
  • "The principles of toot helped us to get dead."
  • "I'd better plunge my dong into my wife now."
  • "Hi, I'm a demon. (demonic noises) And I'm all about chaos. And this show is all about amazing occult secrets to create life and start living as demons. (further demonic noises)"
  • "There's plenty of JoJ in the world, but you can get the JoJ! You can do it all over again."
    • "All you have to do is establish chaos... sauce, and LOL."
  • "It's based on the greatest sex book ever written, and that's the Bible."
  • "You know ISIS based their lives on the Bible?" "ISIS? What are you talking about?" "I am talking about Muslims. Men like Andrew Carnegie. I'm talking men like Rockefeller, J. C. Penney."
• The 70s lay siege to your privates
  • The beginning.
  • "I can even jam sausages up my ass while I masturbate!"
  • "This guy is about to drill his cock 10,000 feet up your mom! He's usee, he's dead, he's a pecker, he's dickless, hee hee hee, he's on a boat, he's in the woods, he's miles from the nearest McDonald's!"
  • "When it's so cold you're frozen solid, that's sexy."
  • "Haruki Fujimoto is a sucky dancer. He eats it big time. Doctors in the Western world think his dancing is better than yours. Doctors are rich fuckers. Raar, raar...rough. This is Fresh as Fuck, a remarkable new mom that gives you head. Ounce for ounce, it has fewer calories than regular white people, yet tastes like Japanese dancers."
  • "Look at this evil motherfucker! He's the devil!"
  • "The original Cunt, the only American nun ever honored in the sex of New York's Museum of Your Mom."
  • "Me, I use memes." "MEEEEMES!"
    • "If you want more memes, fuck yourself!"
  • The Call-Back to the Parrot story in "The Ideal NFL Team".
  • "Where's the roughest spot you have to shave? Your chich? Round your spips? Under your nose? Under your balls? Your dick? Round your asshole? Rur....RAAR! So we just ride into your fucking face."
  • "We'd like to tell you about hard cocks at 35 below zero!"
• The 70s flee in disarray

  "Watch out for that joj ripoff."

  • "United Airlines makes me feel like luggage. They know I'm a spacey woman."
    • "They know I'm a buzzard [warble] so they've given me more carrion, which I prefer to think of as food."
    • "Where you're the Soss."
  • "Saturday, you need to see this evil racist on ABC....yee."
  • "This fucker doesn't know it, but any moment now a long dick will go in his rectum."
    • "Four times more cocks, as the Ole Miss Rebels can't keep them down."
  • "This new switch is an investment of four dollars."
  • "In a land where only the survivors survive, people can't afford to suck, which is why Quasar sucks. You suck too."
    • "Quasar, let's fuck it."
  • "You've got your toot, you do have to compromise. You don't have to compromise. Yes you do. No you don't."
  • "Metropolitan Lawl reminds you that 1977 will a year in a moment. Weaksauce. Don't let 1977 take you by surprise."
  • "You know the JoJ ripoff? That's right, just buy a JoJ and y'all could get ripped off. SauS. All you gotta do is send in your Replacement Request, Police Request, Police Report, Replacement Report, Quest Request, Police Radio, 29 Request, 99 Report, and a new JoJ is shipped to ya!"
  • "The only motor oil used by the pesky racists, what the fuck are you looking at, you asshole? SauS."
• The 70s demand unconditional surrender of your pants
  • "A man puts many cars in his automobile, but none are more important than his CooK."
    • "Dowgard can keep a car freezing when its freezing. Dowgard can keep a car boiling when its boiling, and keep it rusty and corroded year-round, WaoW."
  • "Before you buy a CB system, lock it away in the trunk. Out of sight. A cable leads to my unit, with squelch, and digital squelch, and channel squelch, and unit squelch, and squelch readout."
    • "It even disconnects, so you can disconnect it."
    • "HaH. We keep people locked away in the trunk. [Beat] Out of SuS."
  • "Sexy fucker Herb Johnson knows, you've got to get a Johnson up your nose, as America goes to Europe. He knows his Johnsons, and he knowswoswonows that in just a just a few minutes, they'll be shitting out his Exxon station."
    • "...all counting on sex products and services to help fuck Herb Johnson."
  • "What does it take to start the wheels of American industry rolling? It takes wheels. It takes industry. It takes money money money mon- mon- mon- There's where Lulz comes in; money you save with us goes back to us in the form of money."
    • "Help keep America lawling by having your savings account, at your savings account, at your savings account, at your savings account..."
  • "Toot~!" "This is my pecker."
  • "I want a quality stereo system, but it has to fit my butt." "You're diseased." "I want a stereo with 8-track, AM-track, FM-track, stereo-track, WilS SpirS."
    • "Zenith has a wedgie, and every Zenith stereo has a port leg for clear, rich, natural SuS."
  • "You know you won't get service with Goodyear service. If you're not happy, we're happy. We will give you the Goodyear Promise; we twerk, we only doonlydoonly we only doonlydoonly. We only use all worn parts. Problems? You fool, your fault."
• Those Darned Restaurants!

  They say the darnedest shit!"

  • "Darned Restaurants, SaS. We lead our industry in serving turds in our restaurants. We have a big bug, we have diseases."
  • "As managers, a big part of your job is to manage your restaurant. Make sure you're managing your restaurant, and make sure each of your employees is employed in your restaurant." [orchestral sting]
  • "There are three basic ways food gets contaminated. Tautological, cock-ological, and fuck-ological."
  • "Biological contamination causes more than 90% of darned restaurants."
  • "Unfortunately, shit happens. You cannot eliminate bacteria in food; however, you can control the humans in your restaurant. Heat kills humans: the higher the temperature, the quicker they are killed."
    • "Freezing does not kill all humans; therefore, fuck you."
• This took me HOURS would take us hours to put all the funny moments in the video.
  • "Coming up your ass, we're gonna show you my cock! You'll learn how to make Sexy Waffle Cuts! And e-e-e-even sees neve dna, stuc elffaw ycnaf artxe ekam ot woh nrael ll'uoy recilsslicer recilslicer.
    • "Even see how easy it is to make fucking garbage!"
    • "Now here's the hoe of our show, Mike Levey!"
  • "Haah. This is Chahc McClelc. He brought us the Suicide Slicer. Now everyone's been asking, can we really kill our own selves?" "Absolutely, Mike. You see the way we diddle these children?"
  • "We jizzed in the tomatoes, We did the cuke, we did the uke, we did the puke."
  • "I like the onions, no onions! This is great!" "Onions without onions, look."

    Mike: This would take you hours!

  • "Okay, We're ready for some Sewer Slime!"
  • "The first thing to remember is: it's a shit machine." "No good." "See the diarrhea?"
  • "See the small teeth? They do the fine dicing and chopping work of your Jews." "That's gonna take you hours! I can't wait to see that."
  • "You wouldn't buy a cock without a handle. Did you see the way we lol?" "This would take you hours!"
  • "And, Mike, if you want a potato chip, buy the store-bought ones. They're perfect every time."
  • "You let the inside on the outside." "You know why I did that Mike? I hate this job." "Oh, I see." (Beat) "So leave?"
  • "You know, if you were doing mushrooms... (video starts tripping out, audio slows down) You could load the guard up, Mike, with whatever will fit there. You could do toot. "
• Giant Death Monsters
  • "First, take an eye-watering dump on a dinosaur, then toot.
  • "Join the Klan for the biggest cock ever!"
  • "The earth is too big, but the earth is too small."
  • "They were the lords of junk yards."
  • "The adventures of a little shit and her ovaries!"
  • "I can remember the first time I saw snatch. I came. I was about five. I was fuckin' magnificent."
  • "Unlike modern dinosaurs, they lived in New York to protect themselves from predators."
  • "A millennia later, man would call them giant death monsters."
• The Mighty Thor molests a mechanical sea monster
  • "Suck the rainbow ass of Asgard, where the boobs, boobs, boobs are sore, you'll behold in godless splendor, my asshole!"
  • "Evil Canada!"
  • "SPARTA!"
  • "They'll soon learn I'm god of nothing, and a supreme douche! I've shat my pants."
  • "That hammer smashed my penis to shit! I'm fucked!"
  • "I'll use my black ass to put an IDEA in his mind!"
• Mad dogs and English lessons
  • This exchange:

    Husband: Excuse me. Is there a bust around here? I don't know my way around the mall.

    Woman: Where do you want to go?

    Husband: The mall.

    Woman: The mall is right here. You're already there.

    Woman: You have to go straight dow-

    Wife: Thank you for your help.

    Woman: You're welcome.

• Sandwijizz
  • "An evening would be spent listening to books, reading the radio, rating the readio."
  • "Having a big cock was having a big penis. Well, that was entertainment, taint."
  • "All nuns were nun sus."
    • "All nuns wore hula hoops for hats."
  • "Then we robbed nuns for sport; well, that was entertainment."
  • "There was a real train station."
  • "We tickled rattlesnakes for beer, and tickled our dicks with sandwiches."
    • "Jizz sandwijizz"
    • "Ahhjizz, yesjizz. Thojizz wasjizz thejizz goodizz old daysjizz."
  • "Everyone went down on a cactus."
  • "We drove up and down and up and down and up and down and up and up and up and down and down and down to see and be seen and see beans and be bees and dragging the cops' bodies up and down and wave the cock."
  • "Downtown was fucked. Everybody was fucked."
• Windows Three Point DOS
  • "And you are about to learn sauce by creative new cock memes!"
  • "On the screen now are some of my feces. WooW. You can watch buttfucking programs on these tapes. Stop and practice anytime you want. I suggest that you eat the tape in its entirety. Then go-o-o-o-o-og nehT and pra-a-a-a-a-arp dna. All of my tapes are tapes. I think you'll find your software manual on these tapes. I think you'll find apes on these tapes."
  • "Windows 3.1 can run in Toot mode for computers with chips."
  • "Mouses! No no, no no, no no, no no, no no, (warble) Not that kind of mouse, I'm referring to buttsex!"
  • "Now type 'Alt+W', then the letter 'A', then the letter 'W', then the letter 'Alt+O', type the letter 'S+W', press the Escape key, then the letter 'A'. Now press all your letters, and our screen should look similar" [cue blue screen]
  • "Notice the little pictures with words under them. These are called 'little pictures with words under them.' These are pictures that represent different words."
    • "These are little symbols that represent pictures that represent words that represent Windows."
• Learn 12 kinds of DOS and throw up for more 90's computer instruction deconstruction:
  • "Word Perfect. Excel. Lotus. DOS. DOSperfect. DOXcel. LoDOS. WorDOS. MicroDOS. WinDOS. WindowsPerfect.
  • "You can learn to use any of these programs with no studying! How? With studying! How? With dick-sucking!"
  • Hi, I'm a nasty little slut. Chances are you'd like to fuck me. And chances are you don't have time to do it manually."
  • "You can pork my pooter in a hurry with shitty videos. Gag."
  • "Cock videos are for all kinds of computers. I am a computer."
  • "Sorry Ross. These videos are not for tossers. Maybe next year."
• How to get kicked repeatedly in the groin
  • "When you die, no one will die."
  • "Last time when I fucked your mom I forgot the rubbers."
  • "That would be a drawback."
  • The Training Montage
    • And the fight scene too.
  • "Chase. Face. Race. Case. Mace. Space. Trace."
  • "Manimal. Minimal. Bananimal."
  • "Dr. Jonathan Handjob; wealthy, young, well hung. A man with a JoJ, a man with a duck."
  • "This is not the end, this is not the beginning. This is the end. This is taffy."
  • "ManiniaM"
• Aaron the pedo smokes Newports and talks to himself, the first part of a saga which makes the works of Neil Breen even more ridiculous than they already are.
  • "My name is Aaron, my brand is Newport. I always thought I was a pile of computer parts. I was the first in my class in college to suck so many cocks."
    • "I'm now a pervert for any nation who wants to troll."
  • "I met the love of my life; she was seven, and nasty."
  • "I secretly joined my secret country's secret strategic branch of defense secrets, and became the best terrorist they ever had. I developed a way to control the way to develop a way to scare my government away."
  • "I developed my farts into biological bombs that will destroy the economy and kill hundreds of thousands. Woah."
  • "My little sister and I wanted to have children. But now, WoW, my little sister's been taken away from me by children's services."
  • "My orders are to shit on the Las Vegas strip for two months. Toot."
• Aaron Doubles Down
  • WEEW TOOT LAAL
  • "Laal, where anything goes into your ass. I am about to enjoy it all."
  • "I'm not going to mention the skeletons."
  • "I'm always amazed that maize. I'm always amazed that expensive technology, cheap technology, secret technology, public technology, high technology, low technology, and technological technology, and scientific technology. They don't want the public to know the real danger, is the skeletons."
  • [picks up cellphone] "Erections."
    • "I gotta prepare for the erections."
  • "Dad, is there a heaven? I gotta know."
    • "Penis."
• The Aaron Supremacy
  • "I've received bio-electro-medical-computo-geospacial-econo-techno-cheerio implants to assist me in sex. I've also received breast implants to assist my titties."
    • "They also kill white people, as well as doing criminal sex acts with their bodies. It just feels brilliant."
  • "I don't need much anymore, just toot. Hell, I invented canned tuna. Hell, I invented cocks. Hell, I invented satellite dishes, laptops, cell phones ... and bio-terror."
  • "There are very dangerous dangers that will never end, even if they end. Guns don't kill people, people kill guns."
  • Invisible shit
  • "I can contact tech support directly through my computer skills."
• Aaron drinks clam beer and drops bomb-ass beats
  • "Thank you for lalling. We'll always laal, even in death. toot. When I sleep, I'm asleep. When I'm awake, I'm sleazy."
  • "I find myself on the ground, wanking myself off."
    • "I can't get off. I can't forgive those cunts for what they did to the skeletons."
  • "I'm always amazed at about how governments around the world are so concerned about bomb-ass beats." [cue Stupid Statement Dance Mix]
  • "Did you see the spectacular car chases, huge buildings blowing up, and wild gunfire?" "My daughter Megan was just diagnosed with brain cancer."
    • "Oh, no, that only happens in the movies."
  • "Let's move away from the cars, they could be cars."
• Harpy Holloweenie, it's the infamous Momkok
  • "Vampires are pussies!"
  • "Although the legend of Blacula is entirely a work of fiction, surprisingly, there are many people out there who believe themselves to be black."
• Harpy holidays, have some VD
  • "HEY, I'M SHITTING AGAIN! This time, it's diarrhea."
  • "It's cocks...comin' at you..."
  • "I suppose you're sayin' that's a bunch of cock. Cocks everywhere. But there ain't no cock. Something better is here. No toejam, no whining, just clean pure loveseed. More than two hours of crystal clear cum sauce."
  • "What makes masturbating better? Dick pics."
• The Seedy Revolution
  • "House music was not available to those antique knobs."
  • "The first recording ever made was of deez nuts."
  • "The saas is taken mechanically down here, and then travels acou-ou-ou up the YouTube Poop and out of the HoH SiƧ."
• Bourgie Nights News Desk 80s
  • "A series of explosions rocked my shorts early this morning as my mom ripped through an Arab nightclub." "All the casualties blew tubesteak. The two-pound bomb went kablooey."
  • "Batman was injured tonight in a cock accident in Cockville. Now, police say-yay 22-year-old Martin Milf was hurt when his neck was struck by the cock. Milf was taken to our lame regional medical centre where he's in beautiful condition with 17 neck injuries, and 8500 cock injuries, and 50 heart attacks and heart failure. Police ticketed Milf with driving with an expired driver and failure to yeet."
  • "Would you know what to do if someone nearby had a heart attack? Well, a number of Bourgies decided to take it in the ass in a 30 foot carnival trailer on Interstate 10 to find out what to do in case of such an emergency."
  • "If-if-if-if-if-if citizens all over the city in Paris are trains, they'll be able to make PCP. They'll be able to immediately victimize those victims until death."
  • "Anybody interested in free reefer can suck cock, and you should do it if you're interested in that, because it's very important."
  • "You'll fuck what you see in this week's fudgepacker from Nasty Canal! Stench steak is just $1.99 a pound! Toot! Two-liter Coke, Diet Coke, Tab Coke, or Diet Sprite Coke, just 95 fuckin' cents! And don't forget to start your fuckin' collection of fuckin' encyclopedias! Get Volume 1 for only $1.99 a pound!"
  • "Hi, I'm suffering needlessly. My clinics offer you our poopy plan, and that means 'nope' to you! Call today for free spinal pain and cocks!"
    • "Stupid insurance accepted."
• FLALF MOM
  • "We conclude that Dr. Stanton is fuckin' wrecked."
  • "Man can propel himself into the can. Man can propel himself into the propeller. Man can go fuck himself."
  • "We issue the following decree: Fuck you!"
  • "It looks like fucking Mexico, and it doesn't look like Mexico."
  • "Where'd you get those titties?"
• What ever happened to STFU
  • "Whatever happened to butt buddies? Nananaannnnnn everyone's got 762 virgins."
  • "What happened? I don't make any sense, SoƧ, and you can hardly tell this is a commercial. This is a commercial for foundation repair."
  • "So many places just give you a big plate with a big plate with a tiny plate with a big SoƧ with a tiny SominimoƧ with a big food in the plate with cutesy swoots. Personally, I like eating food. I also like drinking food."
  • "Now men like boys. C'mon! Try prancin' about in a dress like a man."
  • "Whatever happened to twinks? They used to lick ass. Now it's lick cock, lick twat, lick who-knows-what."
  • "Guys used to drink and talk about sports. Now guys drink and talk about...wow! Sports."
• Crustal Poopsy Sales Sales Profits Sales, celebrating 11.2k subscribers and noisepuppet's longest YTP to date.
  • "It would be nice to look at consumers' balls."
  • "Today, fucking consumers are looking for lighters. They're looking for riots. They're looking for lels, and lals, and saas."
  • "There's never been a product quite like Cripple Piss. A HoH SiƧ!"
  • "Crirc Stlts will appeal to the unconscious consumer, with 100 nasty-ass flavors. Healthy? Nope! Consumers will die! And no fish parts."
  • "Crystal Cat Piss is a gory beverage all its own."
  • "Crystal Jizzle has guaranteed fucking. We've captured Tunis."
  • "We need weed to give us more chill, and our customers need to display their big titties for us."
  • "Crystal will drive your trucks in the future. Crystal will carbonate your carbonated carbon. No one has any future, it's fucked."
    • "Crystal~! It's perfectly —fucked. Crystal~! It's perfectly —fucked."
  • "Profits profits profits profits..." "Shut your fucking face."
  • "Ok, you've convinced me. You can put your Crystal Pepsi display up your Crystal Pepsi ass."
  • "I'll go along with that thing about the sex barrel."
  • "I'm not interested in your concern. However, you've got a hot ass, and we can tap that."
• Small Town Soviet America
  • "Smaller, yet larger. Yet smaller, yet larger, yet smarger yet laller."
  • "There's a department store featuring facists."
  • "Even a casual observer would note the utter facists who spend their leisure time indulging that great American institution: a hard-on."
  • A closer exami-tion of the 'habitants would 'veal that all of them seem to be beasts-stst:
    • Policemen
    • Businessmen
    • Mechanicmen
    • Semen
    • Police Mechanics
    • Business Policemen
    • Mechical Businessmen
    • Mechanical Mechanics
  • "Most of the activity seems to center around the center of a small activity center that is located in the center."
  • "No matter where you look, there are gnomes. Their old people aren't any larger than our children. As a matter of fact, they're smaller!"
  • "The students here are replicants. Although they may come from life, they are merely mechanical students."
• Tommy McSober gets wrecked and wrecks Texas
  • "Texas is about half drunk or drinking."
  • "SoƧ research institute recently researched a TooT at the sanitation racetrack to measure the effects of SoƧohol on drivers. The test was initiated by the sanitation drivers to demonstrate the hazards of driving in San Antonio. The drivers, all professional racists, were first tested to determine their drink driving ability while sober... owober."
  • "The men were given enough liquor to bring their blood liquor levels up to 5% on the breatha-liquor-lizer, the legal point of sexy intoxication."
  • "When the drivers were lethally drunk, the five men were safely carried outside by the Safety Police and safely battered."
  • "Tommy's obviously hammered. He hit all the other drivers and killed every one. However, he did fine on the test."
• 90s commercials ripped my flesh
  • "That's the double fuck-you."
  • "Thursday, mom farts out! When Gina moves in and re-Gina-rates!"
  • "I was dry, and then I forgot my body. But then I came. I got hung. I brought back a vision of the numb nuts. The sex burrito. .llell. At Taco Bell."
    • "Only sixty-nine cents. Nice. I could almost fuck 'em. And then I did. And I came."
  • We spent six cunts conditioning the pop to respond to a ringing bell with a response."
  • If you think I am taking a whiz, it's as easy as L-O-L-I-T-A. Try the Max-Ulti-Minimum-Force, a fuckerized camera with a built-in family that does all the fucking for you."
  • "Feel the feeling of an unfeelable ass."
  • "Come to the Cum Garden for our Italian cum feast!"
    • "Then, get our garbage salad and lick our dicks!"
    • "And then, fornicate for only $8.95!"
    • "Shittissimo! A complete fail feast!"
  • "Fuck off with an instant in-store cock."
  • "Eue-eue-seuesday-yad on Fux."
• 90s commercials kidnapped my dog and then THIS happened
  • "So when I found my cock, I called my dad and said 'Dad, I found something little.' Toot."
  • "We had this great idea for a new game called Saucecock and Fuckles!"
    • "He just laaled. So we sold gay sex."
  • "Here's how it works: just dial 1-800-COLLELLCOLLOLCOLCCT and fuck off!"
    • "Fuck you for calling 1-800-COCK."
  • "Wednesday: Dildo's made mistakes before, but this one could cost him his cock."
    • "People who get high and play with guns are fine."
  • "Stuff from the Disney Store is Disney stuff."
  • The Army commercial segment. All of it.
  • "The Copper Top tops the cock!"
  • "The real error is David Hasselhoff."
  • "First thing you've gotta remember about Disney World is to piss yourself by lunchtime. Number 2: Don't ride Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. Number 3: You is goofy-ass shit!"
  • "When the going gets tough... the tough fuck off!"
    • "Cock!" "Monday at 6:30? Fuck no!"
  • The entirety of the final ad: "Your doctor might be confused by aspirin. Your doctor might be confused by pain. Your doctor might be confused by all the cum in your stomach. But your doctor claims he's a doctor. Your doctor's so greasy. Your doctor won't leave. Your doctor is so hostile. The choice is clear: choose a different doctor."

colemananded1945.blogspot.com

Source: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/Noisepuppet

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